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Oct 7, 2011

My Apology by Katie Roberta Stevens

Posted by Unknown  |  at  9:35 PM

There is a book I'm busy reading, which I confess to have been doing so for what feels like forever with no end   in site. Why is it taking taking so long? Its painful, not just sniffle and turn the page painful but sob your heart out through snort and tears and put the book away painful. But the thing that has me clinging on tenaciously to the book is that besides being brilliantly written, Katie Roberta Stevens did a superb job in writing about herself as if she were an outside source. I has absolutely no "feelsorryforme" qualities in it  which of course just breaks my heart even further. Today I'm posting a poem found in the book My Mother Killed Christ: But God Loves Me Anyway, as written by the author. Katie has also graciously written a little introduction for this post to put context to the poem. Thank you for coming by today Katie.

Part of my memoir, My Mother Killed Christ: But God Loves Me Anyway, reveals that when I was 21 years old, I married a man who was 42.  Many people tried to warn me that this marriage would never work because of our age differences.  I stated, "Age doesn't matter."  Of course, I was in love and I was wrong.  Age did matter.  He growled whenever I listened to my music because he wanted to hear Frank Sinatra-not Madonna.  When I was ready to go out on Friday night, he was ready to go to sleep.  As my memoir reveals, we eventually divorced, but remained best friends throughout our lives.  We raised our son together and Steve was at my home for every single holiday.  Even when I was seeing a new boyfriend or got remarried, I would tell any man upfront that my ex-husband was a major part of my life and would be welcome in my home--no matter what.  Only through examining my past did I realize that people were right when they said that I was looking for the father that I never had through this relationship.  That's why, when in April of 2011, I had to be the person who gave the order to allow a doctor to disconnect my ex husband from life support, my heart truly broke.  Not only was I being asked to kill my son's father, but to kill my own.  I wrote this poem to express the difficult feelings I experienced.  I hope others, in the same situation with loved ones, may find peace through reading it.

My Apology by Katie Roberta Stevens
When was I given the almighty power to disconnect a life with one wave of my hand?
When did a lowly soul like me get appointed to decide if someone is no longer a man?
When did it become evident that whether a person lives or dies is a choice?
When did the words of the creator get whispered in my ear and out my own voice?
When did I grow from a child who looked up with such love and admiration at this face?
To become the protector and receiver of the bewildered, helpless eyes that somehow took its place?
I will tell you on what glorious day this miracle occurred; In fact, it was on the day that I was begun.
During a glistening season of radiance that ensured there was a time for everything under the sun.
When the one who built me from scratch made certain that I was a loving soul
And put within me an innate understanding that a body does not make us whole;
When the same power nourished me, until it was then my turn, to keep you safe from harm;
And gave me broad shoulders, muscled by life, to carry and provide safe passage to his loving arms
When he instilled the intellect and emotion and compassion to help me finally see
That sometimes the fight, the will, the interventions, were not so much for you, as for me;
Because despite all the gifts and powers and senses bequeathed to me at my human birth;
I was not given the foresight and selflessness to imagine daily living without you on my earth;
But prayerful reflection and a brilliant epiphany have helped me to finally know;
That I am just the Lord’s cherished vessel to be used to help you go.
Father, forgive me, now, for I know not what I do.
How dare I cry aloud when I am sending your child home to you?

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About the Author

Most know me as the author to Fabulosity Reads and in actual fact, that is the previous name of this blog. I have since then moved my books to a Wordpress self-hosted blog so that I can have a place to show a different side of me which I am equally passionate about and that is marketing and personal development. I hope you will love being here, watching me grow as I share and learn. My highest hope is that we will grown and learn together in all disciplines affecting our lives. I'd LUUURRRVE to hear from you, so don't be shy...


  1. Just the title alone attracted my interest, Katie. It was brave of you to share your story so that others can learn from it. I wish you much well-deserved success.

  2. I've seen the cover a couple of times and the title did catch my interest. The poem has some touching sentiments.

  3. Thank you for your kind comments. I apologize to my wonderful host, Wendy, for making her cry. I encourage you to read more to learn how I went from stealing food to survive to graduating from college, starting a business, having too many affairs-- to finally finding authentic love. Today, I live on the beach in Florida and have found forgiveness for myself and my mother. I hope my story will help others find their peace and joy as well. If you want a good laugh, please check out my blog, "Top of the Morning" at

    Best Wishes to you ALL. Wendy, you are a beautiful woman--inside and out.

    Thank you, again

    Katie Roberta Stevens


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