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Oct 4, 2013

My Insecurities Not Few.....Not By A Long Shot

Posted by Wendy Ewurum  |  at  2:44 PM

This is my first post for IWSP and it was supposed to be eloquent and clever and on time but I only remembered because I saw Skye Callahan's post today. I was moving house this week, infact yesterday was the big haul. so forgive me Alex and everyone. Alex was at my blog earlier and it never occurred to me this was the reason despite very strong hints. I’m just not keeping track of days I tell you. Its all flying by too fast and the craziness doesn't stop.
Well writers, do you have a very troubled girl here. Let me tell you.

I’m trying to be a writer and its bloody hard work. I’m sure you just rolled your eyes. I’ve never written anything, always been terrified because although I really wanted to, I was afraid I had nothing to say and lacking competence to say it if I did so. It’s not just the fact that I naively thought that the day I made this decision the ideas would flow because I’d at least have the title and the objective. It hasn’t worked out so.
Besides the fact that I have some moments of creative outbursts and most where creativity its as illusive as the fountain of youth, finding the time has been a monumental problem. I have taken to stealing at least an hour at a coffee shop close to my house with no phones or tablets to get some done. I have made some commitments to self about goals involving growing my blogging platform and that has taken over my life as well besides everything else. I figure one day when I have something to share about my writing there had better be an audience to give their two pennies.

Then there’s the issue of just not knowing how to write.

I started off writing a Christian inspirational book because I needed to develop writing habits and since quiet time is something I have consistently, I figured this was a good place to start as any. Somehow, this has  kind of dithered to a halt. Lacks of inspiration, some disappointments and such along the way I think were a contribution but I am mentally writing it every day. I think I stopped because this topic automatically brings with it introspection which I’m not prepared for right now and I can’t thumb suck on this topic, it has to come from a real place…..this could just be my excuse of course.

As soon as that stopped there was a flow of poetry and I wrote about 16 of those (some of a questionable nature). I’ve never studiesd poetry and I don’t know what makes a poem but when I write what I do it seems to have some sort of likeness. I’d like to finish another 10 or fifteen then work on editing them before the end of the year, Hopefully thereafter I’ll have enough confidence to let some other people read them as a collection.

About a month ago I started a novel that I am working  hard on, this one seems to be going very well in terms of putting down the detail but again, my lack of knowledge seems to get the better of me and I keep wanting to go back and change things which gets me now where. So now I have taken to writing my story in a notebook and then probably type it all up at some point. For the moment as it is on paper, I pretend its got a great plot, storyline and characters because I cannot go back and click delete.

My major source of worry about this story is whether to write it under a pen name or not. I saw Misha Gericker’s name on her book this morning which is something like her real name but not and I wondered of I could do the same. My reasons are because my story is controversial and revealing as it is greatly influenced by people and a community in which I’m married. Hopefully by the time I really have to make this decision I will have had some great input from all of you guys.

So my dear friends, I don’t have a particular thing I need advice on.  I need advise on everything so that I don’t talk myself to stopping momentum. Now i'm off to pay overdue blog visits.

See you next month.

About the Author

Most know me as the author to Fabulosity Reads and in actual fact, that is the previous name of this blog. I have since then moved my books to a Wordpress self-hosted blog so that I can have a place to show a different side of me which I am equally passionate about and that is marketing and personal development. I hope you will love being here, watching me grow as I share and learn. My highest hope is that we will grown and learn together in all disciplines affecting our lives. I'd LUUURRRVE to hear from you, so don't be shy...


  1. I can empathise with your writing struggles. I've been there. The trick is to keep at it and keep working to improve.
    Read, research, revise. One day you'll get there.

    If it's any consolation, the first manuscript I ever wrote is sitting in a folder probably never to see daily again. Mainly because it's so crappy I don't think I can be bothered to revise it. LOL

    Since then I've learnt so much. So take heart. If I can do it, you can. :)

  2. Meant "...see daylight again."

  3. Awww thanks Kiru. much appreciated.

  4. Wendy,

    Kiru said it right and she's an awesome writer. You'll get there. The most important thing is that you don't stop writing and revising.


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